january 6 . 2017

the clarity winter brings

Desiring peace, wisdom, and fluidity in my thoughts, I have chosen to practice stillness and awareness this winter. I choose to see the beauty in this winter season, embracing the chill that these cold days have brought us and think about how I’m able to see past trees with their branches bare when in other seasons I am seeing more of the trees themselves.

Both perspectives are beautiful.  Continue reading “january 6 . 2017”

december 30 . 2016

Devon and my journey of waking up to racism

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For about four months now, I have been pressing into the uncomfortable place that lies between ignorance and motivating-awareness.

Before, I turned a blind eye, a deaf ear, a walled-up heart that wouldn’t let in deep sadness and others’ pain that I can never fully understand. It was a deep expanse of Unknown, this thing that I was sort of aware of but didn’t acknowledge. Continue reading “december 30 . 2016”

december 23 . 2016

Jesus, my Prince of Peace • part 3

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When December rolled around, I was still sure that I wanted to move back home and transfer to another university near my hometown, even though I was finding more and more small victories in the day-to-day. I made plans to visit an admissions counselor there while on Christmas break.

After the meeting with that counselor, I decided that I could handle one more semester in California. Then I would seek the transfer and move back where I felt safety and support from my family.

Upon returning to school, I shared the decision with my friends, who all understood completely as they’d observed my struggle over the past several months. But something stopped my planning in its tracks. Continue reading “december 23 . 2016”

december 16 . 2016

Jesus, my Prince of Peace • part 2

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I am amazed when I consider that once the stronghold of fear was identified in my life, things seemed to get worse before they got better.

My panic attacks increased to three to five every day. The results ranged from simply having to leave class because I felt like the air had been sucked out of the room to total incapacitation and being bedridden, limbs feeling like concrete blocks that wouldn’t have moved if I begged them. Continue reading “december 16 . 2016”

december 9 . 2016

Jesus, my Prince of Peace • part 1

Advent is well upon us and as I consider and anticipate the celebration of the coming of our precious Savior, I am overwhelmed when I think about the names He was called when he was promised to us by the prophet Isaiah…

…Wonderful Counselor…

…Mighty God…

…Everlasting Father…

Prince of Peace

Perhaps to you, peace means the absence of noise in your house. Perhaps it means no violence in your space, your community, your land. Perhaps it means unity between you and your spouse, your significant other, your child, your parents, or your dearest friend.

For me, peace means the presence of the One who rescued and healed me of the oppression of anxiety. Continue reading “december 9 . 2016”

december 2 . 2016

gather

I have a habit of doing tablescapes for any family gathering we have, regardless of whether there is an event to be celebrated or not. I like to believe that every occasion spent together – not just the holidays – is special because people are special. Dressing up the table and making it lovely and inviting helps to communicate that to those I love. They are worth my time and attention to prepare in this small way. Continue reading “december 2 . 2016”

november 25 . 2016

being present : silence

“If you don’t have anything to say, say nothing. Silence is part of the enterprise, and silence is sacred.”

– Michael Longley, Irish poet

 

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I don’t really do Silence. Wherever I am, whatever I’m doing, there is usually something audible happening – jazz music on Spotify while I work, podcasts in the car during my commute, Madam Secretary episode on DVR while I cook dinner, talking to my long-distance best friends on the phone while cleaning the bathroom. It’s not that I’m uncomfortable with silence; I like to think of the constant background sounds as using my time wisely – you know, multi-tasking. Being efficient and all that. So much to discover and hear and so little time in the day.

Continue reading “november 25 . 2016”