november 18 . 2018

As promised…(or, threatened?) 🙂

I am a whole person. Complete. Right now – unmarried.

I used to believe that I was incomplete that way – that I was spending my life on the magical and romantic search for my other half.

I wrote about my realization that my “life” wouldn’t start at the altar here, and I’ve been doing my darndest to live that out since.

I’ve chosen joy instead of wallowing in misery – at least most of the time, if I’m honest. 

I’ve chosen to travel by myself when I could have easily stayed home.

I’ve chosen to stay open to new relationships when I could have let my heart grow hard and bitter.

I’ve chosen to work hard on myself, to grow, sacrifice, stay curious and inspired, to extend grace to myself and learn to love myself.

I’ve chosen to stay connected to community.

I’ve chosen to stay at my home church, filled with young and old married couples with children, instead of attending other churches where there is a better chance of meeting someone single.

Because that’s what a whole person does. They live their life, their one wild, beautiful, dream-of-a-life, and they keep showing up.

Even when that life holds debt that would be easier to pay off with a shared income.

Even when that life continues to be invited to weddings that are attended alone.

Even when that life is constantly reminded of the growing distance between themselves and their age-mates, those who are experiencing trials and joys from marriage and kids that simply can’t be related to.

Even when that life is sick in the middle of the night and wishing that there was someone present to hold her and pray with her.

I am a whole person. Right now.

I’m realizing that actually walking that out is less about a huge epiphany in one season of life, and more about a daily – even hourly – decision to look for the delight in this one wild, beautiful, dream-of-a-life that I’ve been given.

I can’t resent this season when I’m seeing the glory in it.

I can’t resent God for what He’s not bringing me when I’m focusing on what He has brought me.

I can’t resent other people for getting the answers to prayers that I’ve longed for when I’m choosing to celebrate with them.

I am a whole person – blessed, gifted, cherished, championed, set apart, and destined for wonder.

 

Written with a commitment to post within a few minutes of expression, very little spellchecking, and willingness to embrace the inevitable vulnerability hangover.

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