In my subconscious, early-morning mind, I was processing how the Lord has been going after F E A R in every area of my life–big and small–in the past year. Since moving back to Oregon, I have felt an increase in breakthrough as I am walking in greater victory over my thought life…
simultaneously, the fears and anxiety that try to creep in with the goal of sending me into a panic attack–though in some seasons are few and far between, are coming at me from all sides. It seems to be happening more and more often, the temptation to follow that familiar path of doubt and insecurity. I hate it, but it’s well-worn and my feet tend towards what seems comfortable.
This morning a picture popped into my head . . . remember that old game, Chutes and Ladders?
You and another person would move your little game pieces according to a number rolled on a die or spun on a spinner, trying to reach the top of the game board…sometimes you landed on a spot which boasted the bottom rungs on a ladder, and you were able to move your piece up, skipping maybe just four or five spaces, sometimes up to ten rows of spaces, and increasing your chances of reaching the top first. Other times, you land at the top of a chute…and were thereby forced to slide, sometimes just a row or two of the spaces you had just worked so hard to cross one-by-one; other times—God-forbid—sliding allllllll the waaaaaayyy back to the bottom…even back to square one.
So that picture flashed in my mind…
For 0.2 seconds, I was confused because I haven’t played or even thought about that game in ages . . . then the Spirit of God spoke to my spirit saying, You feel like your journey is like this…
Sometimes rocking life, hitting those ladders, scaling to new heights, experiencing mountaintops, bringing others up with me to my levels of breakthrough. Other times, random times, any given time when I’m not as strong as I was the month/week/day before, and I hit the chute of fear and slide precariously down, down, down, sometimes to depths where I KNOW I’ve been before, but where I hoped I would never have to be again. These chutes look like believing lies, letting the lies convince me that they are truth, and then, at the most devastating times, spin me into a panic attack that may take hours or days to recover from.
You F E E L like your journey is like this . . .
I’ve learned long ago that I can’t trust all my feelings—even though I am a “feeler”, a “sensor”, a “discerner”, I have to weigh my feelings against the spirit of God in me to find the truth in them. Ha. I DO feel like my journey in overcoming anxiety and fear is like Chutes and Ladders, but what is the truth, Jesus?
You have overcome it. You are not controlled by chance, by random rolls of dice that may lead to heights or to depths…you are an OVERCOMER, it is all high from here…your perspective holds the power.
What an incredible truth. For twenty-three years, I felt controlled by my fear and my circumstances, because I was believing that they were more powerful than me.
IT’S NOT TRUE.
If you are reading this today and feel that little twinge of personal recognition at my story, I speak to you and say, You are not controlled by your circumstances, your fear, your anxiety, your depression, your past, your abuse, your family, your lover, your children, your schedule, your time—It’s a LIE meant to keep you in your victimized state.
YOU ARE POWERFUL.
You happen to your life—it does not just happen to you, unless you let it. So stop letting it.
Choose victory, Choose power, Choose a steadfast mind.