I’m sitting here at a local Craft-coffee shop and needing to start work but can’t. This piece has been skipping around my heart and mind since Friday, when I was sobbing in my car after a sunshine-run, talking to a dying Saint at the other end of the phone.
I shared with her that in the past 2 years that I have known her, she has been the best picture of Jesus on earth to me; her devotion to the Lord, her attention to His presence, His words, and His will . . . her humility in turning from her “sin” (this woman is so holy, I don’t know what her sins could ever be), her tears as she realizes her need for him. And this woman has been following Him her w h o l e life. A missionary daughter, a missionary grown, a prayer warrior and evangelist to all who come into her path. Constantly leaning in to her Beloved’s best and most moving words to her heart and spirit, and for other’s hearts and spirits.
So I babbled through my tears, desperate to communicate the weight of what her life meant to me, means to me, how I will let her life keep meaning through mine. Her legacy will not be lost as she slips away to encounter the loving arms of her Beloved. It will be perpetuated through me, and through countless others that she touched.
And she listened to my blubbering and whispered, “Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Lord.”
And I asked her, “What would you say to me? Thinking over the course of your life, what would you say have been the truths that should be the lifeline for those loving Jesus?”
Her reply . . .
“It’s safer to be obedient to the Lord the first time.”
“Say this to Him, ‘Lord, I want to do what You want me to do, so that You are glorified through me and so that You don’t have to correct me.’”
“Let your desire be to know Jesus more, to abide in Him and let Him be in the First Place . . . as you abide, and bear fruit, remember that Fruit to Him does not necessary appear as Fruit to us.”
“Wait for His timing . . . don’t push things. In Habakkuk it says, ‘The vision will not tarry . . . what He has promised He will do.’”
And I am changed as I think about her life, this Saint who is so dear to the Lord, who is fighting a losing battle against cancer but who has already won the victory of this life, and the life to come, and will soon be gathered in the tangible, perfect, and glorious presence of her Savior. I am thankful I had the privilege of knowing her at least a little, and observing her faith and devotion and allowing myself to be inspired, challenged, moved by it.
I can’t help but think that that is how I hope to leave . . . that I would have the honor of speaking to a younger Saint at the end of my days, and that I would only point to Him, my Beloved, and that she would be moved to offer a greater “Yes” to Him.
In loving memory of Cathy Urban.