october 30 . 2013

p r o c e s s  . . .

I have to lay it down. I have to let it go.

I can’t move forward until I trust God with this.

I can’t see the way out until I get my eyes off of myself and onto Him.

My pride is in the way – humility whispers, “Come down here. It’s better down here. There’s freedom down here.”

It’s a long way from standing tall and proud to kneeling broken and open.

Journeys used to take hours for me . . . no longer. I have to be comfortable with the discomfort of distance and time. This heart-journey will be less than helpful if I take the shortcut; the covering up, the denial, the false measures of faith.

Extremes have been my friends but lately they’ve turned on me. I’m no longer willing to see their side; I want to walk with Balance instead. There is peace in being able to gaze with Perspective guiding my glance.

To not be obsessed anymore – to not be distracted with unknowns, and trying to prepare for those unknowns, oh the irony – to be at  R E S T  in my mind – all this sounds and feels and tastes like the most freeing place. I have to get there.

I am afraid of not being in control because then I won’t have a plan of reaction. I need a plan of reaction so that I meet the expectations I place on myself and the expectations others place on me.

But sometimes spontaneity is so much more fun. Sometimes not having a plan can provide the best options. Sometimes I love not being in control, and just going with the flow.

HOW?

How do I change the way I have operated for my lifetime, the way I’ve thought, the way I’ve walked out played out talked out my thoughts?

How.